Wednesday, May 13, 2009

so i've decided to start anew, anew from a lot of things.

so i got bored of the last story. i'm too lazy to write my misanthropic hatred against harvard right now, and how it irritates me that they want to devour the near by community where i live.

i've only recently realized how strange this friendship thing is. i seem to curse it, hate it for being something that never evolves into anything good, and i remove people from my life as i see fit, and yet, in the end, i feel so alone without them. perhaps a hardening of my heart is necessary, to drive myself further into being a soulless, emotionless automatonic monster. love? kindness? friendship? how worthless.

allow me to quote from paradise lost.

Horror and doubt distract
His troubled thoughts, and from the bottom stir
The hell within him, for within him hell
He brings, and round about him, nor from hell
Of what he was, what is, and what must be
Worse; of worse deeds worse sufferings must ensue.
-Paradise Lost, Book IV, ll. 18-26

despite all those who care about me, pretend to care about me, or acknowledge that i still live, none of this quells the fact that i only understand myself with the monster i once was.

out of pure boredom and stress, here is something new.

____________________________________________________________

"I know there is no need to continue with this. Call it collateral damage, call it excessive, call it overkill. Even with these labels, they will not stop what will happen. You see, human nature isn't predetermined by false idols; it is determined by our individual epistemologies. Each of us becomes who we will be because of our upbringing and environment. My upbringing was one in a world of crimson. A cold and unwelcome crimson."

Alex looked down at his shoes, which had been coated in a similar shade. The man before him was still breathing, blood dripping from his temples and neck. Alex stared at his blade, a hand scythe with a long edge, and dragged it down the man's left calf.

"You know, it really didn't have to end this way. You could have ignored anything you heard. You could have pretended it was nothing, and you would still be allowed a few more years to live. To spend time with your wife and children. To go about your average life as another average person. But you didn't. Do you regret it? Do you honestly wish you had not been scheduled to work tonight? Do you wish I had been hired to work another robbery? I'm sure most other people in my line of work would minimize casualties, but that's not how I work. I like making sure that no one gets to tell about any incidents involving me. I'm sure if you were a professional at what you did, you'd understand."

Staring down at the man, he sat down on his chest, placing the base of the scythe against the man's chest.

"This, this is my only friend left. I forged her myself, you know. Three years of working with metal to perfect the design. Isn't she something? Her name is Alecto, a name worthy of judging impudent men such as yourself. I know you must think her blade is too large for a hand scythe, but she hides her true side till the time of judgment. I guess your time of judgment is upon us."

Alex threw his arm downward, allowing the spiked bottom of the scythe to extend into the man's abdomen.

"Well, this was amusing to say the least. Unfortunately, my job here is done. I wish you hadn't decided to come this way. There were many paths, and you took the one less traveled. That has made all the difference."

With that, Alex swung the blade, piercing the skull of the incapacitated man. He pushed in the extension of his scythe, and placed it in a small duffel bag he always carried. There were no survivors. The documents were in his possession, placed in a small manila envelope. All the guards in the area had been rendered incapacitated, and he had spent enough time with the stray that had come to him. He walked toward the garage, entering the back of a small white van.

"Did you get it?"
"Yeah, here."
"Good. How many was it this time?"
"15, give or take."
"You know, you really have to ease up on the body count..."
"The moment I do, I'll get caught. Darwin taught us the theory of evolution, survival of the fittest. Those who show a moment of weakness will end up prey to something stupid. I refuse to be one of those."
"Fine, fine. Here, a change of clothes and your money. We'll contact you again for your next assignment."
"Alright. You know how to contact me."
"Are you sure you don't need a gun? I'm pretty sure carrying about like you're some sort of grim reaper isn't exactly inconspicuous."
"And I'm pretty sure that leaving .45 ACP bullets in someone's body isn't exactly very inconspicuous either. I'm not a fan of guns. I've been in the business of death for far too long. Death by a bullet is impersonal, without feeling or sentiment. My way of sentencing death is close and personal."
"You're a sick bastard, you know."
"Your point?"
"Never mind."

The ride to the hideout remained quiet, broken in random spurts by Alex's nervous twitch. He had no idea where it had derived from, but he could always feel it. It was like the feeling of a stranger, touching his spine, cold and uncomfortable.

After he washed off, Alex ate a few slices of multigrain bread and went to lie down on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. Dreams of the ceaseless violence would come soon.

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